He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
