my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I look better un-naked...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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