So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
