Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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