I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
