i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
