Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
