Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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