Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
