I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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