1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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