Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
