I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
