Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
