Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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