Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
