Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
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like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
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My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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