You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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