Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
