You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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