It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
