do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
my vag is so smooth its legendary
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
