Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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