dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
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