Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
