oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
