'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
