Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
