and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
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Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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