the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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