I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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