Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
