Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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