It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
