I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
