Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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