Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The beers last night were like the tears from god
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Randomize
