There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
