Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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