Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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