YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I smell stomach acid.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
