I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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