I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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