I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
