Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize