I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
my phone needs a breathalizer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize