who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
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