If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
