i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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