Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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