Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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