Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
