My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
