I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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