The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Farmville is her only friend.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
