Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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