Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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