first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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