I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
