Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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